Toxicity

You have to be prepared for a certain amount of criticism in this field. In fact, it’s best to prepare for a shitload of it. It may seem like people are attacking you, are trying to bring you down, but it’s rarely as vindictive as that. Usually the truth is much simpler – it’s easier to criticize something than it is to appreciate something. I’m not sure if that’s true everywhere. I’m also not sure I’m capable of seeing it any other way right now. This town is full of people who haven’t made it, and who never will. It’s full of people who have made it and burned out, and people who have burned out just trying. For an industry fueled by a collaborative, creative form, it’s alarming how much negativity swills around in the air. Maybe the horrible air quality is due to cars or industrial pollution, but I’m starting to think it’s really the toxicity expelled by the industry of Hollyhood.

Part of the problem IS that we look at this as an “industry,” and we look at it that way because it is. It certainly isn’t the dreamland all those actresses fresh off the bus way back when once thought it was. This isn’t a place where magic just happens (it’s never that simple, is it?), but it is a place where magic can be made.

I look at Hollyhood as a game. The finish is great, but there are a trillion obstacles in the way. You have to navigate them in order to succeed, and you have to be armed with the proper tools to do so.

There are a few people out here who want to help you. And there are more people who want to help you help them. And there are even more people who don’t want to help you at all. The trick is wading through these three groups and understanding what criticism is coming from which people. It’s something I’m still working on figuring out. One thing I have figured out is this – criticism from any of these groups can either help you get to where you want to go, or it can punch you in the stomach, spit on your face and tell you “I told you so.” It’s all in what you do with it.

I myself have been known to take the punches, and then wallow around in the pain to the sacrifice of “my craft.” It can happen, and it can happen in an instant. One minute you’re riding high on dreams and potential, the next you’re shriveled up on the ground as negativity beats you down. The “Pros” don’t let this happen, or at least they don’t let it happen for too long.

I am not a pro. I let it happen. I allowed myself to get my ass kicked, and now I’m stuck in the recovery process. I’m thinking the best way to deal with it is to write my way out, and I’m hoping that it doesn’t delay my progress too long, and that next time will be different.

Because there will be a next time. The criticism WILL come. And I will let it, because you can’t get anywhere by telling everybody to fuck off. You can’t grow. You can’t learn. But you also don’t get anywhere by letting the negative energy take over, or by turning what was meant to be constructive into something destructive. You have to know what to do with criticism, how to use it to improve.

You have to take it, but you also have to be strong enough to know that you are better than it. If someone tells you “this sucks” and you believe it, you’re done. More often than not, it doesn’t suck. There’s something wrong with it, but that can be fixed. “Sucks” is beyond repair. “Flawed” means it can be fixed.

It’s easy for people to bring you down. It’s harder to love yourself and your work enough to get back up.

It’s time to get back up.