“You spend your time sitting in circles with your friends, pontificating to each other, forever competing for that one moment of self-aggrandizing glory in which you hog the intellectual spotlight, holding dominion over the entire SHALLOW... POINTLESS... conversation. (Oh we're not worthy!)”
– Admit It!!!, by Say Anything
In my Toxicity post, I wrote about how easy it is to be negative as opposed to supportive. I’ll be the first to admit I’ve been that way myself. It’s hard to work as a “reader” in Hollyhood and not be. There’s so much junk out there that eventually you feel angered not only by its existence but by your obligation to have to actually read it (particularly when you’re paid next to nothing to do so). I haven’t figured out exactly how to reverse that associative negativity, but I have learned that there’s no point allowing it to infiltrate your “real” life, particularly when it comes to the work of your friends.
In the past I’ve been harsh when reading my friends creative works. I somehow felt justified - by the fact that others would be harsh. By the fact that I was “just being honest.” And probably, secretively, by the fact that they had been harsh to me.
But there’s a difference between “being honest” and being an asshole. These are your friends! (or at least their supposed to be) What good is it, really, to be a jerk to them when they mess up? How can it help to be an asshole about it? Are you even really trying to help?
When reading the script of a friend (or offering critique on a painting, or song, or idea, whatever) it’s important to be “constructive honest.” You want to help, and you obviously can’t do that by telling them its perfect as it is (unless it somehow, amazingly, is). But you aren’t helping at all by breaking them down. You’re just making your criticism (and probably your friendship) that much more worthless to them. Point out the flaws, but do it with tact. And don’t ignore the things they get right, because more often than not, there’s as much right as there is wrong, if not more so. I’d rather be positive than negative.
I guess it comes down to a matter of respect, for that friend’s accomplishments, and for your friend in general. Honestly, it’s been easier for me lately, as I mostly interact with honest-to-goodness talented writers and people. But in the future I’m going to keep all this in mind, because, above all else, I don’t want to be the jackoff in that opening quote.
My senior year in college we spent a lot of time with a guy we dubbed ROCKET RICHARD (the last bit pronounced French via Boston, in allusion to a great Montreal hockey player) for his particularly direct beer pong style. ROCKET was a good guy. We all enjoyed spending time with him. But he was also “that guy,” the guy who will love a band for years but drop them when they get popular…who hates things that are cool because they are cool…who hates because it’s cool to hate. There’s an irony in that, isn’t there?
Anyway, we’ve all lost touch with ROCKET RICHARD, but it’s easy enough to find people like him. People that the above song are dedicated to. People who hate the hype because it is hype, without ever considering that the hype, for the most part, generally comes from somewhere worthy.
It’s equally easy to find that person in the mirror. I’ve done it, and it sucks. As a general guiding theme of life, I’m trying to avoid being that way, anytime, anywhere, in any aspect of my life. Hating for the sake of hating is never cool. Nothing positive comes from hatred. Nothing. Ever.
And me, I just want to be positive.
"We've gotta stay positive" - The Hold Steady
